Clogged by Fear

unlocking a true face of love

You know love is many things but one thing it is undoubtedly is the sense to allow those you "love", the freedom to channel their fullest potential. But they can’t channel this brilliance, this genius without the safe space to allow for that channel to open through an absence of fear and intimidation. You need to give your “loved ones” the freedom and space to channel their muse, to channel whatever creative force it is that needs to be expressed, to come through them. That creative force may come but will never be allowed to breathe. Will never be grabbed and shared or recorded or whatever it is that you yourself need to do with it as a creative force in order for it to be channeled in its purest, unintimidated form. It can’t be channeled unless it can come through and be given that voice, whatever that voice may manifest as.....unharmed, untainted, untouched, unaltered by hands and heads but the vessel itself. 

This has just presented itself as an additional observation I'd like to add to what I've learned from Elizabeth Gilbert about how one needs to show up for their job as a writer, as a singer, poet, painter, dancer, artist of some kind, as a creative force…even a scientist and especially a thinker…you show up and whether your muse shows up for their job or not is not your responsibility. You just need to be there, open and ready to receive. (And in this way, freeing you from the pressures of your ego's need to possess your genius and hence continually struggle to live up to it.) But if you’re not free enough to receive then you cannot be a channel. Not a complete one at least. You’d be like a dam, not letting the water flow. You’d be damned. Damned to silence. To not allowing the genius to flow because someone hasn’t given you the love and hence the freedom, the safety, the freeing and unchoking of one’s channel. 

Which is also, at the end of the day, one of the ironies of what a conservative, repressive culture is, that considers itself not only religious, but THE religious ideal. The highest form of what’s right and what’s decent. Because that muse that one can channel, that genius that you open yourself up to receiving gifts from, to many is considered the incarnation of God, coming through you, as you, expressing through you your uniqueness to receive a particular type of expression that manifests as your “God” given voice. So if you consider yourself a religious ideal how can you be considered messengers of God if you oppress and deny your loved ones the safe haven to receive "God’s” gifts. If you don’t allow them to unblock the dam, to unlock the channel and receive their gifts, their muse, their inspiration, to create or record, to relay, to be a sound box for the voice of God, for the images of God, for the words, for the joy, for the pain, for the movement, the colours, the shapes, the science, the ideas. All the things one can receive when the channel is open and uninhibited in that safe haven that's their God given right to exist in when they show up for the work, ready to open up to it. Work they won't be able to access truthfully in their oppressive state, in their coma of sorts. Or that they access in secret but aren’t able to let breathe and share, inspire or teach. Inspiration alone comes from that channel that’s allowed to breathe enough to inspire others. If you’re oppressed then how can you connect and inspire others to breathe their brilliance and in turn inspire others again and allow a chain of channeled love, a chain of God energy to even commence and process. 

So, choked by oppression and the absence of safety to channel, you are clogged by fear and therefore your God is clogged, your love is clogged. Your God energy cannot pass through and hence can't share it with others and therefore can't feel true love or know it to express it and share it.

Perhaps a more importantly universal idea I'd like to recognize is that not only can repression cause the fear that will allow one's genius channels to get clogged but that it places a very paralyzing chokehold, a spell if you will, on a person's channel that prevents one from having the courage to even recognize that it's even blocked in the first place. Instead, ideas and "genius" are still celebrated worldwide and encouraged when in fact they're merely tainted, controlled, choked, dead ideas that are copied and influenced, not by your God genius but dictated by your oppressors and the fear that has built boundaries that is cutting off your endless potential.

So what you end up channeling is a different form of channeled art or energy or words. These are words that have been played with and scared into submission. Words and images and colors and forms that have been distorted by fear. Therefore the love that you inspire and share is also distorted by fear and what you influence in others is also something that's been distorted and you pass it on and continue to clog people's freedom to recognize their true God genius and ability to express what they've been put on this earth to breathe or to let breathe. Most people don't even know that what they're channeling is something that isn't them at all but your chokehold on their potential God energy.

SNAP! (A jukebox Cabaret)

More snapshots, clips and stories….

This week, my autobiographical journey in snapshots and clips has lead me to pull this cooky DVD (sorry about the quality) out of near obscurity. I’ve finally managed to convert it to mp4 and as I rewatched it for the first time in over a decade, I was reminded why the past 10 years have been such an uphill battle. Something happened to me back in 2011 that I’ll soon have the courage to share but it cast a veil over a part of myself that may seem like it’s been resurfacing but in fact has been but a shadow of what I once carried in the way of discipline, determination and confidence. Believe it or not, there was in fact a time when I used to practice self validation and it allowed me to create things without all the unnecessarily analytical fuss and head noise. (don't get carried away...that doesn't mean there was no head noise lol) I’m being reminded that the formula I now seek, is a formula I'd once built and succeeded at using. I used to trust my intuition on a whole different level, I used to make decisions that I’d cringe at today. I was shameless in the face of what I thought some may consider cheeseball artistry or even sell-out western entertainment. I actually wasn’t concerned as much about everyone loving me (again, don't get carried away, this is all relative ;)), I just wanted them to come to the show where I could convince them that this was what I did and that if I believed it hard enough, they would as well. I was braver but also less wise, less spiritual….more self-centred and demanding….so I marvel at the idea that today’s wisdom and less selfish approach to life could also birth the self doubt and insecurities that I’ve been living with as of late. This ‘rewind therapy’ has brought a little magic into my life and taught me not to learn but to remember. So, I'll continue to tell these stories and continue to remember.......

Back in 2001 a few months before 9/11, I was still in Amman, Jordan, waiting for things to get finalized so I could immigrate to Vancouver. It had already been close to 2.5 years since I’d applied and for anyone who doesn’t know, it’s the lengthiest application process known to man…daunting and intimidating beyond anything I’d experienced or ever will again. I was on pins and needles and as I waited, I began to get antsy. One evening, as I was watching a little piano bar choir recital at Nabil Sawalha’s Rosana Cafe, I decided to put on a show. I approached Nabil (who, for those who don’t know, was part of one of Amman’s most beloved and successful comedy duos, “Nabil ou Hisham”….we knew each other because I was also a performer in our small town and my mom happened to be his daughter Lara’s teacher…..

Lara Sawalha

, very young at the time, would end up becoming a big part of my social and performance life after blossoming into one of the coolest humans I’d ever had the pleasure to know and work with). So, I approached him and proposed this idea that I’d not only love to put on a killer show there but that I’d love to help turn his cafe into a cute little dinner theatre, cabaret-style, construction and all. He was into it and we set a date right then and there and I got to work.

I wanted to put on a show in 2 acts that allowed me to share songs that told stories, with dance and satire sprinkled throughout that touched on issues of the day. I wanted it to be funny, weird, touching and honest. I managed to be more myself in that environment than I’d ever been before and found a way to talk about everything that had been on my mind (to a certain extent lol)…maybe knowing that I’d be moving to Canada made it easier to push the envelope.

Obsessed with Bob Fosse at the time, I decided to call it SNAP! which ironically doubled as a mental health commentary on how I handle stress!

At the time, professional dancers were almost nonexistent in town so I decided to hold auditions at a high school and pulled together a fun little team that would sing and dance their little hearts out and make this little distraction a reality for all of us. My friend Monica, who’d been taking dance with me wound up doing the show as well and the team was complete.

For anyone who knows me, this may not come as a surprise but I’m a chronic perfectionist and though this was a small intimate room that held 65 people, I just had to go the full distance and treat it like the biggest show on earth. I signed with a management company

Ramzi Halaby

, hired the top sound and lighting people, found an accomplished jazz pianist (Omar Al Faqir) that brought these arrangements to life, brought in the lovely

Hind Dajani

to make all the costumes, I even ordered shoes, wigs, hats, posters etc from abroad. Needless to say, I went a little overboard and never broke even but it was all worth it, plus, the glue that held it all together was my sister from another mother, Rasha Nazer Khalil (my first cousin) who I’d grown up with and often dreamed I’d be able to work with in this capacity. She took the role of stage manger and was the best damage controlager I’ve ever known. Every time I SNAPed, she reigned me in. Plus, I’d hired someone as detail oriented as I was that also knew me inside and out. It was a match made in heaven.

After 2 months of rehearsals, press and delays, we finally opened and many who came, came again and again. I knew then and there that that room and that setting would forever take precedence over any large theatre experience when it came to the connection and intimacy I craved from my audience. It really was the perfect way to preoccupy my antsy mind but naturally, I replaced the antsiness with a considerable dose of perfectionist anxiety, winding up in the hospital for a few days, having to push my opening. If you’re really nice, I maaay tell you that story sometime, it’s a painful hoot!

(to be continued)

So, I’m finding myself dying to get into a lot more detail as I relive these days but I’m going to stop for today and post more stories about SNAP! over the course of the month with new clips from the show.

This one's a clip of our fun Elton John medley performed in the first act....featuring Monica Schulz, Jennifer Glynn, Katie Bernhart and Wonho Chung, who would eventually go on to become a well known standup comedian!

Apologies about the video quality (I have no idea why it's so bad) For the young'uns, sorry, we didn’t have iPhones back then. We’d barely had cell phones for 5 years.

Love. xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_jGk4x0yhI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU_zMMf6uUA

More stories and lessons inspired by clips, pics and bad accents from SNAP! (2001)

.......More stories and lessons inspired by clips, pics and bad accents from SNAP! (2001)

A little German, French, Russian concoction straight from the Dick Van Dyke school of accent training for ya ladies and gents! Who knows what that was, but hell it's been almost 20 years! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inQrHLX0qmc

It's also taken me that long to share these videos publicly, precisely because of small, silly self-judgements and doubts like that that feed on our potential. I figured, well Canadians are just going to laugh me out of the room and I wouldn't be caught dead on one of their stages unless the choices I made were perfectly coherent with the standards I imagined I'd be surrounded by (notice how I fail miserably at recognizing I was taking all the fun out of the spontaneous creative process...and turning it into this rigid thing that had to fit like a jigsaw puzzle piece). I felt very insecure about moving here and the ridiculous assumption that I'd be received with an “Oh bless his heart, how quaint!” (Isn't it crazy how we allow ourselves to crumble when we play comparisons and have expectations of ourselves like that?) That's exactly what I did when I moved to Vancouver in 2003 (the original state of confidence I'd arrived with lasted a good 5 month long honeymoon period before it started to unravel). I saw the level of talent and got sucked up in the intimidation of it all. I literally gave away a considerable amount of my power which I'd lived with my whole life up until then. I used to stand on a stage on my own terms but suddenly put myself at the mercy of the talent pool here that would dictate what was worthy and what was not. I'd been a leader and over night I switched to a raggedy desperate sheep that lived entirely fuelled by its shepherds’ praise and approval. Cowering at the back of the herd just waiting for an easier opening in the crowd. It crippled me. Most auditions were nauseating nightmare experiences where I lacked focus on the work and instead obsessed over the casting directors' prospective judgements of this new unworthy and inexperienced immigrant. (I know, THE DRAMA OF IT ALL!! But trust me, if anything, I'm holding back.)

It wasn't until 9 years after I'd moved to Canada that I felt worthy of sharing the stage with insanely talented performers who embraced what I had to share. That was the week I saw the ad for "The Rocky Horror Show" auditions and something snapped!! I was determined to play Franknfurter and for it to be my ultimate showcase and somehow found the strength to drill that reality home and allow it to manifest. Sometimes I think there's this mystical power that comes over us when we've simply had enough of feeling overly affected and miserable for so long. We somehow convince ourselves that we have very little to lose at that particular point. I’ve been awakened by that force every 4 or 5 years like completed life cycles.

You see, growing up in Kuwait…the tiniest of bubbles… in a neighbourhood with a rich cultural scene and attending a British expat school that nurtured my performance bug early on, it was easier to feel like a big fish in a small pond. Obviously this may not have been other people's reality but that's besides the point because it was mine and it fuelled me. At age 4, I was the only boy in ballet and was raised to believe I was the best at most things I attempted, except for soccer....that’s where most of my bullies bloomed. I mean, when you consider that I was in red ballet shoes whilst they were in cleats.....category is, 'Bullying 101' realness!! Dance, art, gymnastics, singing, acting etc…even track and field… I was winning, placing or recommended for everything I attempted. I’ll never forget being pulled out of class in the 4th grade by Mrs Aubrey, the school’s head of drama, and asked if I'd like to play one of the main roles in the upcoming 6th grade play....THE 6TH GRADE PLAAAAYYY!!! I used to watch those plays and daydream...the 6th grade performers were my heroes! I also remember stepping out on the ice for the first time at age 8ish and heading straight for the centre, deliberately avoiding the railing. My parents’ eyes widened yet again and yes, a private figure skating coach would be in my life for the next few weeks (trust me, insert all necessary past and future eye rolls here and get them out of the way). "Pampered" and "privileged" are 2 appropriate words that describe me at that age. “Enabled” also because I was all over the place and can’t remember being noticeably discouraged (we do tend to have a selective memory though don’t we?). But throw in the bullies and what you get is a kid who immediately knew his strengths and used them to get approval from those that laughed at him. At parties, I found myself catering to everyone that wanted to see tricks and moves. I got cheered on when I flipped or spun. That was the ammunition I used to be loved and accepted. Without it, I was just a meek sissy boy who walked and talked funny and got pushed around in the playground. Art and performance were my super powers! 

I was also recently reminded of a childhood memory that shed a bit of light on a few things that I'd been struggling to understand.  When I was moving to the 3rd grade, my 2nd grade teacher, who adored me, decided to take my new 3rd grade teacher aside and tell her that I was one to watch out for and that she was going to like me. That year was elementary school hell because, for whatever reason, she was determined to prove my 2nd grade teacher wrong. I'd apparently come home often in tears because she would use that information against me. Whenever she was disappointed and she somehow found many a reason to be, I'd hear "Where's that star pupil that I was told about? I guess they were wrong" ...and other asinine comments on those lines. My relationship with ‘expectations’ and ‘comparisons’ has been abysmal until today and though everything’s a combination of nature and nurture, these early childhood experiences play a huge role in who I've always been. The skill I'm worst at is learning how to validate myself without the need for external accolades. I grew up being conditioned with enough external praise to rely on it entirely...albeit not consciously of course. It made perfect sense to me (and still does if I’m not careful) that if I wasn't receiving traditional approval, I wasn't worthy of it, and therefore my work was not up to standard, plain and simple. I obviously know that there’s a hell of a lot more to it than that but that self acceptance/love and validation were skills I’d never possessed or remember being taught and it all gave birth to my chronic perfectionism. Other mental barriers that play a huge role would eventually arise but I'll leave those for another time.

Cut to all these decades later and even after I'd landed the lead in "The Rocky Horror Show" after doing what I consider the audition of my life….I was suddenly reminded of those years back in elementary school. This was just under a year after "Rocky" when I decided that I would put myself out there, now that my confidence had finally reared its head and do a few songs at ‘Singular Sensations’ which was a popular open mic night in the village (Toronto), hosted by the amazingly talented Jennifer Walls. I'd decided to do my own rendition of "The Ladies who Lunch" and was locked, loaded and ready to head there with my sheet music. I was surprised to discover that the brilliant Kelly Holiff who'd played Magenta (also the assistant director of the show) to my Franknfurter, was hosting the open mic that particular night which was an equally great thing. Kelly and I worked beautifully together so it was good to be in familiar hands. She’d eventually motion to me, asking whether I'd like to go next...so I nodded and she let me know that she wanted to first tell a story before bringing me on. She proceeded to tell this generous story of how they hadn't been looking for a Franknfurter yet and were about to hold a wider Toronto audition until I walked through the door in my full-on Frank regalia. She described how I hadn't broken character, queued the accompanist, tapped my right heal a few times and then turned and delivered a killer audition. She told the crowd that they were lucky to have me here in Toronto and that they were all in for a treat. Umm wow! Did NOT expect that....was hoping for a few sweet words but NOT that. After she'd talked me up, I swallowed real hard and stepped up to the mic in time to respond to Donovan LeNabat's (the accompanist) comment "Wow, you better be good after that praise (ouch, that again!)…..so would you like to do 'Sweet Transvestite' like the audition or are we still going with this song?" Trying to be cool and collected, I shrugged off the smart idea he'd just thrown at me and foolishly said "No, let's do this new one, we can do the other one later if there's time"...."Ooook!" Never in my life had I experienced that type of cotton mouth fear in front of a N. American crowd. And mind you, it was a lovely and very small N. American crowd....but 'awful' does not do my internal chaos any justice...it was hell and it lasted forever in my muddled head. A quarter of the way through, I noticed that I'd pretty much thrown in the towel already and instead of stopping, laughing it off, asking for a glass of water and starting again....I continued to sabotage myself, buckle, crumble and fade away. I couldn't even remember the words at the end and replaced them with "and remind me never to make a mistake like this again”....or something on those lines...stepped off the stage to sporadic, awkward applause, escaped to the washroom, avoiding Kelly's eyes and left immediately once I’d returned. I allowed that incident to push me right back where I’d been before I spotted the Rocky audition notice. I was morbidly embarrassed and felt like I’d erased all my hard work in one swoop. In all fairness, I was aware that the opportunity to redeem myself was always available with open arms (well maybe I didn't imagine them with open arms) but I felt so paralyzed that it took me a few more years to allow myself to resurface as a performer. 'Anxiety' isn't a word I've thrown around yet but it's one I imagine you've picked up on by now and deems me useless when it speaks louder than my rational mind that had already acquired some incredibly valuable tools by then. It is however beyond challenging to access them while you’re already stuck in mid avalanche. 

Some of you may be wondering why I’m being so candid about my mental health and the unhealthy relationship I've had and continue to often have with myself and others....I’m neither regretting nor berating myself and I'm neither accusing nor berating my teachers, friends or family, this isn’t one of those posts, everyone around me did the best that they could with what they had to work with…..but knowledge is power and understanding your patterns is beyond powerful. I also just want to practice a more vulnerable honesty in the hopes that it would help me continue to grow and may help someone else shed some light on the things that make them break and live in debilitating fear. I’m way better today precisely because I don’t blame anyone but my own perspective and the way my brain has been wired neurologically and circumstantially. I’m also better because I’ve acquired tools that have allowed me to bring knowledge and wisdom into my life that help shine a light on my shortcomings and turn them into strengths (will share some of these tools in future posts). These videos are old, beautiful memories that come with a lot of lessons and pain but that’s what they are and that’s who I was….they neither need to be great nor necessarily sad and deserving of lament, they just are what they are without all the bells and whistles based on who I was born as and the circumstances that surrounded that time and place… and in that they’re great….I don't think they take away from the beauty but I now have the opportunity to become a stronger person because of these insights and vulnerability that help snap me out of all my states of denial and shame. They also help me understand why I judge and place the expectations I do on others...at times, suffocating my relationships. I want to continue to learn how to live my best life and if I’m going to be teaching my students to view their “mistakes” as “golden opportunities” then I better be applying that to my life too and finding a way to welcome the imperfections with open arms and look forward to them with the wisdom that they will all merge as a step ladder towards my own growth and happiness. Not my unattainable future happiness but the happiness that already exists in just being and knowing myself.

On turning hard work over to fate.....

Fate. A cringeworthy word to many. One that conjures up ideas of a creationist God that controls everything we do and no matter how we try to change it, it's written in the stars for us. I've gone round in circles on the God and fate subject but I'd like to approach this from another angle because I think I finally get it.

I've been slaving away for the past couple of weeks on Shakespearean monologues for an upcoming audition of sizeable importance! Theatre is my life's oxygen and therefore important enough for me to put my very heart and soul into every aspect required. During this particular process I was also battling my internal demons....that's what I'll call my nerves, paranoia and negative self talk for now.....desperately putting a lot more than I should be on the outcome of this particular audition (insert 'every audition prior as well').

I particularly have an unpredictable distractibility and nervousness issue when it comes to auditions. Like many. For me, this is a much deeper topic that I will get into at a later date but it can be debilitating nonetheless because for whatever reason that day or in that room something could intervene unexpectedly and sabotage all my hard work. Here's however where it's ok!

Knowing that I have full control of the amount of hard work I'm capable of putting into this prep, knowing that on the day I'm going to do my very best with all the tools I have at my disposal (rehearsal, characterization, meditation, affirmations) makes it easier to see the true meaning of the word 'fate'.

If I walk away from said audition after having killed it, I'm sure I'm going to attribute that to hard work and determination but what if I walked away after having gotten so nervous that it stunted my work and displayed a mere fraction of my potential? I mean I did everything I could on that particular day with the particular circumstances presented to guarantee that I'd have a spotless audition....what went wrong? And why is it that I forget the hard work and assume I didn't do everything I was capable of doing then and there? Here's where we're too hard on ourselves and though we're also hard on ourselves when we haven't put in the work, in a case like the former we need to remember that we in fact have done everything we were capable of doing in the allotted time available to us. The results, whether it be the actual performance or the feedback are based on circumstances beyond our immediate control. And that's where 'fate' comes into it. Fate, I believe is an equation, combining the circumstances present which range from your hard work or lack thereof, to your surroundings, to your brain chemistry (which can be affected and altered in ANY number of ways and is wonderful when truly understood.)

The true and more valuable point I'm trying to make is stemming from this self abuse we put ourselves through after we've worked our butts off to accomplish our dreams. Our issue isn't in the needing to reevaluate our idea of hard work but in the needing desperately to see ourselves as anything but who we actually are at that particular point in time. We attach ourselves to this image and idea that is most times unrealistic....and when we work hard and then see immediate self gratification and results, we immediately validate ourselves. We validate that image we've drawn and strive for and validate our supposed perfection....and perfectionism. But where does that leave the guy that's struggled all his life...truly struggled...had dreams, had images of himself the way other more successful people do but just never seems to be achieving as much as others or anything for that matter!! Our issue isn't with how hard we need to work...cause that's a given...if you don't work hard then don't expect the best results. It's in our acceptance of fate beyond our hard work and determination. Realistically looking back and taking note of what could've been done differently is part of anyone and everyone's process...that's how we grow and improve.....but the beating ourselves up part? That comes from delusional thinking! After all, growth doesn't come from satisfying results but from those that are questionable.

If you know you've done everything in your power to prepare for something important and you're also quite self knowledgeable about the inner workings of your brain and it's unpredictability sometimes and you're also clued into the unpredictable number of other factors that may intervene and need to be dealt with outside the scope of your initial hard work, then you should walk into an audition or interview or presentation and vow to DO YOUR BEST! That's all you can do...your absolute best. Even if you end up choking and losing focus, you need to remind yourself that that was you on that particular day and that perhaps you need to look into what makes that happen. That still doesn't mean you didn't do your best that day. You went in there with everything prepped...and you went in there as prepped as you happen to be mentally at that particular stage in your life, with the tools available to you then and there. What happens the next time you try, needs to be the result of a learning curve. Doing your best ABSOLUTELY has nothing to do with perfection. There's the delusion for you! If you know you slack off, stop slacking off, if you can't help it, find out why, if you're doing your absolute best, go in there, and trust yourself. Nothing happens without a reason. That cliche is riddled with undertones of 'FATE'. The reason you fall is so you learn how to get up. The reason you succeed is so you appreciate the value of hard work. Of course I'm implying that 'success' that comes from circumstantial luck and fortune etc isn't true success at all! It's a free ride!

Oh and remember, Lawrence Olivier, known to be the greatest actor that ever lived, would throw up in the wings before stepping out onto the stage. Supposedly. Ponder.

Brain Science and Oneness

Imagine you've believed one thing your whole life and then that belief is suddenly turned on its head and appears to have been something else all along!! Imagine being able to wake up one morning and all those feelings of inadequacy that you've carried around secretly (or openly) since you can remember, which have affected the way you work, play, carry yourself, love etc. have all started to magically disappear forever, revealing a whole new you with a second chance at a fuller, happier and more accomplished life! Sound too good to be true? Though many of you may know I'm talking about mental illness and diagnosis, you may also think this elation I'm speaking of is one caused by medication.
For all those who believe that receiving the diagnosis of ADHD, Bipolar etc. is just handing innately irresponsible people crutches and excuses for their life's bad behaviour you're missing the valuable point of a diagnosis, which is, first and foremost, powerful knowledge that one can use to move forward with a better understanding of the way their brain is wired. Ultimately it's about what you do with the knowledge but most importantly it's what the knowledge does to one's lifetime of shame and self-esteem. It's a fresh start literally. Life appears to be something else entirely and all the names you've shamed yourself into believing literally don't apply anymore. It's a magical thing. If you're blind, squinting harder isn't going to make you see. This is exactly what someone with a diagnosed inability to focus goes through their whole lives when they try to do so in a world where everyone around them is getting things accomplished. Unfortunately the difference between a blind man and one with ADHD is that the blind man is recognized immediately as such by his environment whilst the other man continues to be told to pay attention!! The diagnosis is the revolutionary realization that they'd been "blind" the entire time....and that there's actually something they can do about it (medication just being one of a slew of things and NOT the only)
So, next time you hear that someone you know has just received a diagnosis, don't shame them by using words like "crutch" and "excuse" and jumping to conclusions about medication that you've read does this and that etc.....you're missing the most phenomenal point ever....what that knowledge itself actually does to a person, let alone what ends up being the plan of action! Celebrate them and remind them how lucky they are and the blessing their lives have been coloured with! So many of us really haven't the slightest clue how complex the brain truly is. When you begin to understand what needs to exist up there in the way of stimulants and neurotransmitters etc in order for you to do the things you do that you normally attribute solely to your will power and hard work, then your viewpoint of the human race in general changes entirely. (It's also humbling to feel blessed with a functioning brain that's given you the life you've lived.) You don't only need to learn how to be spiritual in order to love the world or show compassion. Science is one of the best springboards there are. It helps us help our community, not hinder it with our almost indoctrinated ideas of good and bad, right and wrong, smart and dumb. Need I say black and white? There are many brilliant people that have the capacity to live full, productive and loving lives of peace and tranquility who don't have the tools to do so because they're too busy beating themselves up about how incompetent they are and having that validated daily by their environment. This is where science and the spiritual concept of oneness come hand in hand. Be a more loving and informed environment, you never know who's listening. Once you get that, you'll also change your perception of the way others treat you! Love! 

An intro to mental illness and compassion

January 24, 2014

I realized today that the fact that I've been able to break some pretty crazy sounding OCD habits effortlessly myself on numerous occasions is proof enough that I am not in fact OCD and should show more respect to those who's lives it actually affects daily in severe ways. Mental illness isn't something to toss around like a human ego ball. It affects people's lives in ways you can only understand if you are inflicted yourself or have family/friends who are, that you've taken the time to educate yourself about and show compassion to. If your life seems to include little hiccups of behaviour that mimic any number of conditions like ADD, OCD, bipolarity etc...and someone you know has been diagnosed in one or all of those categories....take a minute and ask yourself if these conditions you believe you also have are in any way debilitating and life altering. If you're able to get by alone and without anyone's guidance and professional help, then you're more than likely fishing for a little attention. The expression "well, everyone's a little ADD or OCD" said to someone who in fact IS and being treated or needs treatment, is like saying "I've got it too and I'm dealing with life, what's wrong with you, you must just be weak, lazy, stupid"......which is what people with the condition have been saying to themselves since they can remember and all you're doing is reenforcing their shame. ADD for example, isn't a bunch of funny little tendencies we happen to all have. It isn't a funny little term like the one we choose to throw around when we're forgetful. That's not the definition, sorry. And is certainly not the true weight it possesses. It's not a bunch of light, little anythings!! It's one of the things that destroys and many times, ends lives. Most of us are only beginning to scrape the surface of learning about mental illness and even more slowly, pealing away the layers of shame involved. I ask you to take a minute and think of the human brain like any other organ in the human body. I'd even be pressed to say that it's more fragile than any. Why is it then that we're able to have more sympathy as a human race for someone with a broken leg that will heal, than we do for someone with a broken brain and most times a broken spirit and a broken life...or one, for that matter, that is wired in ways we can't understand...or quite simply, differently than our own!? Long overdue is the day we stand up and take responsibility within all our developing societies (not limited to developing countries) for our brother and sisters who just need the veil of shame to lighten and lift so that they can begin to heal. Remember, not everyone wears their mental illness on their sleeve. Society has made sure we learn (not everyone is capable of this) how to conceal it and put on an acceptable face that caters ever so carefully to our surroundings. I believe as human beings our job is to live the best inner life we can possibly live in this short life we're given and that can only happen if we make it safe for our brothers and sisters to live their best life too. Love.